Rain, Wind, and Fire
Rain
Falling silently
Crack of thunder
Blinding flashes of light
Rain
Wind
Colorless wind
Blowing leaves everywhere
Disrupting the silence of midnight
Unstoppable
Burning bright
A burning warm sensation
Tongues of fire licking hungrily
Consuming all in its large wake of flames
Mass destruction
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,017 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
For "Wind," I don't think you should put "wind" again in the stanza, since you are describing it. It is like explaining what a words mean and using the word in the explanation.
fyi: no offense taken, i am always open to comments. i dont consider my writing skills that great so i try to c what people say i ned to improve on and i try to improve on it. thanks for the crit 8-[
I agree with Brad when he says you had good imagry but they fell into cliche. But I do like this poem. Work on the flow though, this seemed very choppy to me.
"Tongues of fire licking hungrily
Consuming all in its large wake of flames"
I love these lines, if you revise this keep these
Kind of air-headed and elementary. There is a certain technique you were striving for; however, you did not pull it off, properly. What you were aiming for, I think, can be said to be like Dickinson's elipsis usage, where you start a sentence and jam it with imagery, and leave the reader to form his or her own conclusions about the meaning. This did not happen. This became a literal translation of each event, as they occur. While you had some good images, you essentially became a fractal of cliche.